An Oblivious State of Mind
by One Without a Name
Summary: Ever wondered what the crew of Castle Oblivion does in their free time? No? Well, uh... read this story anyways. It's got 75 percent less sanity than other leading fanfictions! [Spoilers] [Crackfic]
1. Dinnertime Shenanigans

"Hey, Vexen, It's nearly--" Larxene froze midsentance and midstep, surveyed the scene in front of her and blinked. Vexen was standing in his lab, in front of a glass window. Beyond the window was a small room in which he tested his expiriments. And in the small room, with Vexen watching closely, was Axel.

Stripping.

"...WHAT Is he doing!" Demanded the Apathetic Princess, not so apathetic at the moment. Watching Axel twirl his shirt around and sing, off key, "I'm too sexy."can tear the poker-face right out of you.

"Uhm..." Vexen tilted his head back slightly, attempting to look innocent. "Kareoke?"

"Ugh... whatever." Hand on her forehead, she turned and walked out. She'd have to ask Namine to get rid of that memory for her. "It's time for dinner." She added as she closed the door.

"What's her problem?" Axel grunted, having finished his song and scattered his clothing everywhere.

"PMS?" Vexen suggested, turning his full attention back on the pyro.

* * *

They all sat at the same place for dinner, in the large pearly white dining room of Castle Oblivion. Because Marluxia was in charge here, and he was so very OCD, he made sure of it. He went up and down his list, making sure everything was completely and totally in order. He even had a diagram of where everyone will sit, labelled and everything. Marluxia always sat at the head of the table. On his right side, in order from closest to him to farthest, was Vexen, Axel and Larxene. To his right in the same order were Zexion, Demyx and Roxas. At the other end of the table was Namine. And why, you wonder, is Demyx and Roxas there? Because they're cool, and I said so. And why, you also wonder, is Lexaeus not there? Because I don't like him. Even if he where here, I don't know anything about him. SO THERE.

"OH MY GOOD GOLLY GOSH!" Marluxia gasped over-dramatically in the highest voice you have ever heard when he realised the seat next to Axel was empty. "WHERE OH WHERE IS LARXENE?"

"I ATE HER!" Axel shouted before anyone else could respond, causing all eyes to fall on him.

"...I saw her on my way here." Zexion said all bishounen-like, "Leaving Vexen's room. She looked sick."

"THAT WILL NOT DO!" Marluxia shrieked, flailing his arms like a schoolgirl presented with a spider. "ALL ORGANIZATION MEMBERS MUST BE HERE, VOMITING OR OTHERWISE!"

"Mellow out, duuude." Demyx said because he looks like a hippie "Ya just gotta, go with the floow."

"SILENCE YOU FILTHY BUM!" Marluxia had not lowered his voice since he started talking "I COMMAND LARXENE TO COME HERE NOW!" His eyes were closed tight and his shoulders tensed as if he expected her to actually hear him. "I shall give you to the count of three, Larxene. One..."

"HOLY SHIT!" Demyx screamed, grabbing his head and he stood up, causing his plate to flip over. "I'M COMING DOOOOWN!" He ran out of the room screaming. Vexen poked his food, waiting eagerly to continue his expiriment. He was working on a love potion. And by that, I mean he's perfecting his ability to hide viagra in cookies. Axel was his test subject, of course. Not a very good one... you could give him a knife and tell him it was candy and he'd still eat it.

"I'll go get her." Zexion said finally, because all this time Marluxia has been ranting about perfect and flawless procedure, etc. etc.

"NO!" Marluxia cried, his voice extremely high again "WE ARE ALREADY MISSING ONE, WE CANNOT RISK ANOTHER!"

"Actually..." Zexion tilted his head "Demyx just ran off, Axel jumped out the window, Namine and Roxas fell asleep andVexen is choking on a fork. You're missing three people, two are unconsious and one more is dying."

"NOOHOOHOHO!" Marluxia cried once more, kicking Roxas and Namine awake. "Roxas! Go get the junkie and the pincushion! Namine! Use your magical powers to make Whatshisface stop dying. MOOOVE OUT!"

"B-but... I only have power over memories..." Namine whined as Roxas ran out and Vexen seizured on the floor.

"DON'T TALK BACK TO ME!" Marluxie screetched and slapped her, Zexion usin his magical lacking a voice actor, fighting skills and element to save Vexen. How? Because I said so bitch! Meanwile Roxas appeared with Axel and Demyx in tow.

"Maaan." Demyx smiled obliviously "That was killer."

"Yeah." Axel agreed "Jumping out of windows is FUN!"

"No!" Roxas scolded, "Bad. Jumping out of windows is BAD. Santa Claus wont give you any presents if you're bad. He'll just rape you horribly and painfully. And unless you like that sort of thing, well... you wont like it very much."

"OKAY!" Marluxia threw his hands into the air "ROLL CALL! MARLUXIA! HERE! Zexion! ...ZEXION? OH MY GOD WHERE IS HE!" He began to hyperventelate, because Zex got bored and left. "HEE HOOO HEE HOO HEE HOO."

"...Lamaze breathing...?" Vexen blinked, because he's bill nye the science guy. "OMFG MARLUXIA IS IN LABOR!" He tore off his dress thingy to reveal a doctor's oufit.

"THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!" Axel cried, because it's true.

"I NEED A NURSE. Does anyone have an prior expirience in this feild?" Vexen's eyes whipped around the room from left to right, hoping and praying one of them was a nurse so he wouldn't have to part Marluxia's legs...

"I got constipated once!" Axel piped up, smiling gleefully "It wouldn't come out so I was all, 'URRRGH URRRRGH!' That's kinda like having a baby, right? Only babies smell better."

"Okay! Axel, you stand here." Vexen had parted Marluxia's legs, pointing Axel to between them. "..and cup your hands. Okay, Marl, PUSH!" How a baby was supposed to get through Marluxia's pants I do not know. A moment passed in which Vexen screamed "PUUUSH!" a lot until finally...

FAAAAAART.

"Wow!" Axel laughed "I guess babies DO smell like being constipated!"

* * *

That was one of the weirdest stories I have ever written. I have been hit with Kingdom Hearts fandom like a ton of bricks. Found out I had a buncha money saved up and bought Chain of Memories, and I have to say my first impression was as follows;

HOLY SHIT LARXENE HAS THE COOLEST HAIR EVER.

Then I realized, "Holy shit the new game is coming out soon!" So I got it, and I'm happy. Well, I was, until they killed off Demyx... -cries- NOOOOOOOOO DEMYX I LOVE YOOOOOOU! At least I can degrade myself by writing insane fanfiction involving you on crack. -hugs dem plushie-


	2. Strip blackjack?

"Come on Marluxie!" Axel whined, waving his Moomba plushie to and fro.

"NO." Marluxia shouted, attempting to walk to his room without further distractions. Axel was one hell of a distraction for the flower-man, and Marluxia was in no mood. He heard that Larxene had let Axel run rambid in his private garden. Sheesh, all he had done was give her a few pointers on how to look more femine...

"PUH-LEEZE."Axel wasn't giving up this easily. "Moombie and me want a BBQ! We hunger for the flesh of small defenceless animals!"

"For the last goddamn time Axel, NO. YOU WILL NOT HOLD A BARBEQUE. PERIOD." Marluxia was fuming, stomping quickly into his room. Larxene had better been lying when she told him what she supposedly did to his precious garden. He walked through his room and out another door into a small courtyard, his garden. Or was.

It was now barren, completely devoid of life except for several rocks. On fire. Errr... they're magic rocks. Magic living rocks. "AAAAARGHHH!" They gurgled like the magic talking rocks they are "WE AM IS ON FIAH!"

"Gar!" Marluxia roared, kicking the rocks only to hurt his toe.

"SO," Axel burst into the room, "Damn what happened here?"

"YOU DID THIS!" Marluxia cried, literally blubbering "YOU KILLED MY BEUTIFULL GARDEN!"

"Are you sure it wasn't the rocks?" Axel asked, clutching Moombie to his chest. Of course, Axel really wasn't the one who did it. See, earlier that day...

_"I'm bored." Said Vexen, well... boredly. "I think I'll set fire to Marluxia's garden." SO HE DID. _

"I CHALLENGE YOU TO MORTAL COMBAT!" Marluxia cried, because he was too pissed to think right now. His bootyfull garden was on fire and rocks were talking to him for no real reason, and he just broke a nail!

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Axel cried, spinning around in circles because he really didn't know what Mortal Combat was.

"Why don't we settle this PEACEFULLY?" One of the rocks said, for some strange reason it was Vexen's voice inside the rock.

"OHMAHGODBBQILIKEDUCKSWHOEEESIEEET?" Axel began to scream because he's supposed to be comic relief in this story and the author was really too tired to think of any wittier jokes so she just sort of put random crap down like this.

"ARGH." Marluxia kicked the rock, and Vexen cried out. "THAT'S IT. I AM GOING TO KILL THE AUTHOR."

"I can help!" Said a voice out of nowhere and the author's imaginary friend Mooshie popped out of nowhere. "I know where she lives."

"Who are you?" Marluxia asked the partially bald demon.

"I am Mooshie the demon and I share the same hatred of the author as you." Mooshie nodded a little because he did. "She constantly degrades me and overall is pretty obnoxious. Plus her spelling sucks."

"Spelling is important." Marluxia noted. "Okay, We'll all go together to find and brutally murder the author. But where is she?"

"Come on. She lives just past the fourth wall."

"Fourth wall?" Axel asked, who was holding the rock-Vexen. Don't ask me why Vexen is a rock. It was the darkness. His soul was so dark and angsty that he turned into a rock. That must mean Zexion is a boulder.

"Yup." Mooshie said, falling back to walk next to Axel. Yeah, they've been walking ever since Mooshie said 'she lives just past the fourth wall.'

"HAY." Vexen cried when he noticed Mooshie stealing glances at Axel's ass, "THAT'S MINE."

"YOUR'S!" Marluxia yelled angrily, attempting to slap the rock but hurting his hand in the process. "Axel, take off your pants." It was a seemingly harmless request, and Axel obliged. Mooshie and Marluxia both stared at his uncovered read end, wile the rock was still held firmly against Axel's chest.

"When did you do that?" Mooshie asked, of course reffering to the words tatooed across the two cheeks; **PROPERTY OF MARLUXIA! don't touch! that means you Roxas!**

"The other day. I promised Axel I'd give him a nickel if he look off his pants and held really still for a wile." Marluxia chuckled at the memory.

"Dayumn." Mooshie said, turning into a gangster for no apparent reason. "Yoyoyo, I'd tap THAT."

"EXCUSE ME." Anda burst through the wall of Castle Oblivion, flustered and angry. For those who don't know, which is all of you, Anda is Mooshie's boyfriend.

"I LOVE YOU ANDA." Mooshie cried, slinging his arm over the half-angel's shoulder and batting his eyelashes.

"This is getting ridiculus." Said the real Mooshie, who was standing behind the author as she typed. "Just because you're a dumbass doesn't mean I am!" The author just laughed and laughed. BUT She was distracted and Mooshie leaned over her and began to type. Thenshe died a horribly and untimely death and everyone danced. And he decided to give the fans what they _really_ wanted.

"Axel... no..." The amber-haired boy could scarcely utter a whimper to the other man, who remained silent. The room was dark, he could taste the heat in the air. But inside he felt cold, chills radiating through his bones. "Axel... please, this isn't..." His grip on the sheets tightened as heuttered a strangled cry, feeling Axel-

MEANWHILE IN THE WORLD THAT NEVER WAS!

"I'm bored." Whined Xemnas from his chair. He was sitting in a random room in the World that Never Was. For some reason, everyone else I ignored in the first chapter was there too. Because I mean, Saix is just too tall not to have his own chapter. Or be in his own chapter along with various other peoples.

"We could think of more emo names for the rooms in the castle." Xigbar suggested "We've got a few more places we haven't named."

"Lets place strip poker." Luxord sugested, looking up from his game of Solitare. That's a one-person game, right? Yeah, cause the only card games the author knows are Black Jack and Clock/Dial.

"Nah." Xemnas shrugged a bit. "How 'bout Strip Black Jack?" Because, like I said...

"Okay!" Luxord was one of the few straight men in the Order, but the other men's catcalls made him feel pretty.

"You guys in?" Xemnas looked around the room at Xigbar, Xaldin, Saix, Lexaeaouaeis and Vexen. Yes, Vexen was there. Why? Because he shacks up with Saix. OBVIOUSLY.

"Me in." Lex-habledelblahblah said like that guy from Emperor's New School. You know, the one who was gonna beat up Kuzco in that episode because he was making fun of him? Heheh. That was a funny episode. I like when Kuzco said, "Me happy. You Jane." Heheheh. I think his name was Habbo or something. Kabo? hm...

"I'm in. Duuuude." Xigbar said, because he has the funniest voice ever. He talks funny.

"Me too." Said Xaldin with a fart. He IS wind...

"...MMYES." Saix nodded JUST like that british guy in Family Guy who took over the Drunken Clam in that episode.

"Then it's settled!" Xemnas squeled because EVERYONE has to have a quirk in this story.

2 seconds later

Everyone in the room was in their boxers except Luxord and Lexy, who was resorted to eating the cards early in the game and therefore was the last one left dressed. "WELLZ." Luxord said triumphantly "YOU'RE GOING DOOOWN."

"We allready on floor." Lexy pointed out, and it was true. They were both sitting on the floor.

"GAAH WHATEVER." Luxord grunted,tired of Lexy's CRAZY shenanigans. But that didn't matter, hewas pretty confident now, having gotten a four and a seven. That's eleven by the way. So pretty much, it was in the bag. "Just hit me."

And Lexy did

Right between the eyes.

"Our hero!" Xemnas cried, throwing his arms around Lexy wile the others shoved Luxord's unconsious body away and pulled their clothes from the pile behind where the gambler had once been. Xigbar kept kicking Luxord because it was fun, while Saix made a note to take the body with him when he recovered his clothes.

"Pretty girl hug make Lex pants tight."

* * *

I suck at lemon/lime writing so yah. I dropped the OCD thing for Marluxia mostly because I forgot about it. I don't really support Axel and Roxas. I like yaoi as much as the next fangirl but I like them better as friends. The same with Sora and Riku. Riku may be gay but Sora is straight! -shakes fist in air- STRAAAAAAAIGHT! btw I can't spell Lexy's name. Heheh. Xemnas make Lexy go boing. 


	3. LE MILK

"Okay, are we all clear for the plan?" The author's two figments had disappeared a wile ago, and no one really seemed to notice or care. At the moment Marluxia, Roxas, Axel and Vexen were in Vexie-poo's lab going over the plan to murder the author. Oh yeah, and Marluxia was the one who said that.

"I WANT A BBQ!" Axel shouted because the author couldn't spell the actual word.

"I WANT POTATOE CHIPS." Roxas whined, flailing his arms desperately.

"...I want a pony." Vexen said quietly, because he is a creepy old man. He's not a rock anymore by the way.

"Well I want you to shut up but you don't see me complaining!" Marluxia howled, standing up angrily. I never really understood that word, 'angrily.' It's based on the word 'anger' but it doesn't have the E. That's totally cheating or something.

"You just did." Roxas pointed out. Marluxia threw a brick at him and he cried.

JUST THEN a knock was heard at the door. Vexen jumped up and walked- no, wait. That wasn't funny enough. Let me try again.

JUST THEN an elephant was heard at the skylight. Vexen exploded up and flew towards it, opening it.

"Vexen?" Zexion was standing there, idly shoving the elephant back in his pocket. "Do you know where Marluxia is?"

"I'm right heeere, Zexion" Flowers streamed out from behind Marluxia, as if he had some sort of flower generator. They floated in the air a bit then disappeared, Marluxia working all his sexiness into the smile he was giving the younger member.

"..." Thoroughly traumatized, Zexion spoke quickly. "Xemnassaidhe'stransferringsomemembersheresoawileandhewantedmetotellyouthat." Turning heel as fast as he could, he broke into a run.

"NOOOO! BISHI- I MEAN, ZEXION! COME BAAACK!" Marluxia cried, following him out the door.

"Transferring some members here?" Vexen blinked, "But The Castle that Never Was is three times this size, and half of us are here already..."

"Maybe he farted." Axel said, having somehow once again acquired the Moomba plush and was clutching it mercilessly. "And it smelled really bad, so he sent the members here so he wouldn't be embarrassed." Roxas was on the floor now for some reason, mixing chemicals he found on the table.

"That's dumb- Roxas! DON'T TOUCH THAT-"

And then everything exploded and everyone died.

No, I'm kidding.

ACTUALLY, he tipped as test tube of purple liquid into a vial of green liquid. It began to bubble and fizz, a thin layer of darkish foam forming on the top. "COOL." Axel said because obviously Roxas can't talk. "LETS GO MAKE DEMYX DRINK IT AND HOPE SOMETHING FUNNY HAPPENS!" And so they did. Vexen just shrugged, and got out the tapes from his previous experiment

ELSEWHERE.

Demyx was sitting in a room. Not just any room... it was.. A DEN! Yes, Castle Oblivious had a den kind of thing. It was completely white like everything else, and usually empty because everything hung out somewhere else. BUT NOT DEMYX. Because no one likes him. Plus he kind of smells.

He was laying on the cough listening to music on his OMG HAXX0RS IPOD. Marluxia had got it for him when Dem-dem told him that it would match the Castle's decor. He's so clever sometimes.

"HAY DEMXY DRINK THIS." Axel cried, bursting into the room with Roxas giggling madly behind him.

"'kaaaay." So Demyx drank the magical potion of doom.

AND HE TURNED FRENCH!

No, really. His Organization coat turned into tight pants and a red and white striped shirt, and he had one of those hats and a curly mustache. And he said, "Oh ho ho!" Like french people do!

"Yay for Magical French Demyx!" Axel cried, throwing his hands into the air. "So Magical French Demyx. How do you say 'milk' in french?"

Oh, you know what's coming...

"MILK IN FRENCH IS LE MILK!" Magical French Demyx bellowed, thrusting a hand in the air triumphantly. Axel and Roxas looked at him in awe, Magical French Demyx was just so smart! Who knew? Maybe if they had hot kinky gay sex with him they'll become smart too!

"Who hired a mime?" Xigbar asked, walking into the room. Axel and Roxas hadn't had the chance to get nekkid before he came in, so they'd have to do that later.

"GET AWAAAAAAY!" Screamed Zexion, bursting into the room. Before anyone could ask he scaled the lengthof the den and threw open another door, disappearing inside it. A moment passed, then;

"NOOOO!" Marluxia skidded into the room, leaving a trail of flowers and sparkles behind him. Looking frantically around, his eyes stopped on Demyx. "Ooo Demyx. You're wearing the outfit I got you I'll be back for you later." With a wink, he fluttered through a random door. The air sparkled for a moment where he stood, and no one spoke for a wile.

"Costume?" Axel sniffed, sad that Magical French Demyx was a fake.

"Por favor!" Magical French Demyx said, despite the fact that that's spanish.

"No thanks, I already ate." Xigbar told him.

"Waaaait..." Roxas walked over the the couch. "If Demyx didn't drink the potion-"

"WOW THIS ENERGY DRINK WOW IT'S REALLY GOOD!" Xigbar yelled, dropping the empty vial to the ground. "LAWLERSKATES! I'M SPIDERMAN!" Pulling out his guns he aimed them at the ceiling and began to fire. He made a circle in the ceiling, and that portion of the ceiling fell. Of course, it just so happens that the ground above the ceiling had been Larxene's bathroom. And the portion that fell was her shower. And she was kind of in it.

"Eh... not bad." Axel shrugged, looking her over. Seconds later, he realized that two hundred volts of electricity being shot into your body really, really hurts. Xigbar was on the ceiling, stuck with static, and Roxas was hiding under the couch.Larxene pulled Axel'scharred jacket off him and put it over herself, leaving the room and quickly as she could.

As she left, the static electricity that held Xigbar to the ceiling wore off and he fell. He was able to grab onto the ceiling hand with one hand, except that kind of made everything a lot worse as he was pulled around at speed. Finally, after a lot of yelling and some vomiting, he let go. Luckily there was a nice, soft Roxas to break his fall.

Meanwile Axel was getting up and wondering where his coat went. Under the coat were white boxer with little flames on them, and nothing else. This was around the time that many, many fangirls died from blood loss caused by massive nosebleeds.

"Oh Demyx!" Marluxia opened the door with a big, creepy grin on his face and flowers still spilling everywhere he went. "Where is my little frenchman?"

"Good question. Wasn't he here when Larxene was-" From the still-present hole in the ceiling lightning shot down and struck Axel before he could finish his sentence.

"...Oh well." Marluxia sighed, grabbing the wrist of Axel's barely conscious body. "I'll just had to do toothpick here." He dragged him out of the room.

"I wanna watch!" Roxas hopped up and raced after them.

"...I'm all alone." Xigbar said sadly. The the author appeared out of nowhere and had sex with him.

CHAPTER END!

See chapter one


	4. MIRACLE LAWLZ

A/N: Thanks to Jokar for the rotating door suggestion. If you have any ideas for the fic, please comment with them. I'm running low... Oh, and a heads up, this contains an original character. I'M SORRY. I told myself I wasn't going to do it, but the stork this was too much fun to pass up.

To clear things up, that's not how Nevxes was really born. Shortly after Xehanort turned himself and the other apprentices into Nobodies, he realized something--His feelings for Braig(Xigbar) were getting in the way of work. So he created a device that would eject those feelings from his body--and this was done. Only there was one problem, it came to life. It was the opposite of a Nobody, it had a heart but no real body. So they threw it into the darkness, and instead of being destoryed it bonded with the darkness to create a heart of (almost) pure darkness. It created a body as well, that of a 17-year-old girl. She wasn't really part of the organization, which is why she never got a number. She closely resembles her "fathers," as stated here, except her skin is black. Not of African descent, literally black.

Now on to things you actually care about...

Oh, btw, the song is "Miracle" by Cascada.

* * *

So Xigbar and Xemnas has sex. Wait wait wait—let's start from the beginning. It was late one late night and Xemnas was late… I mean horny. Of course, being Superior he had many smexy bois to choose from, and one gender confused girl. But today he was in the mood for SUPER AWESOME SURFER MAN. No, not Demyx, you retard. I'm talking about Xigbar. That should have been obvious.

So Xemnas went to Xigbar's room. And they had sex. AND SUDDENLY! A giant bird rammed straight through the wall, hardly three inches from the window. It dropped a small package onto the bed and burst through another wall. Of course, on the other side of the wall was Xaldin's room. He seemed startled that a giant bird had interrupted his buttsecksings with Luxord, for some strange reason.

Xigbar was busily snapped photographs of aforementioned buttsecksins, wile Xemnas opened the package. "WTF." He said quite loudly, holding a tiny baby girl. He looked back at the birdy. "You know I'm a GUY, right?"

"Hey, I just deliver them." Said the Stork, and with that he flew away.

"AWWWW." Xigbar hugged Xemnas tightly, "LETS NAME HER SEVEN."

"That doesn't have an X in it." Xemnas pointed out.

"How about Nevxes, then?" Xigbar suggested, rocking his little bebbe.

"HAH!" Roxas burst in out of nowhere, clad in bunny pajamas. "One big happy family. Mansex, Bigrax and Sex-ven!"

"GO AWAY ASROX." Mansex cried, stabbing him with little baby Sex-ven, Mindless Self Indulgence style. I mean, Nevxes. Which is pronounced Nev-kes by the way.

Suddenly, everyone broke out into dance. Because the author is listening to too much Cascada. And on crack. "DAY AND NIGHT I'M ALWAYS BY YOUR SIDE CUZ I KNOW, FOR SURE, MY LOVE IS REAL MY FEELINGS PURE!" Luxord screetched, off-key.

"I NEED A MIRACLE PLEASE LET ME BE YOUR GIRL GIVE ME A CHANCE TO SEE THAT YOU WERE MADE FOR ME!" Xaldin chimed it, screetching equaling as loud.

Meanwile, Xemnas was bleeding from the ears profusely. Go figure.

"MIRACLE!" The gambler and the wind-guy cried in unison.

…Next morning…

"XEMNAS." Saix cried, the second he laid eyes on the small child in the Superior's arms. "I th-thought we had something… r-real special…" He was crying now, literally, and secluded himself to a corner were he assumed the fetal position. Xemnas shrugged and poured himself some Wheaties. Cuz who doesn't love wheaties? NAZIS, THAT'S WHO.

"Don't you have to breast-feed the baby?" Xigbar asked, sitting down next to him with two poptarts and milk. Xemnas froze, spoon dropping into the bowl with a loud CLACK. "Uhh… sir?"

"Well!" Xemnas shoves the child into Xigbar's arms. "As the father, I believe YOU should be the one to ask number twelve if she wouldn't mind…" Standing up, he took his wheaties and fled the room rather quickly. Saix bawled noticeably louder.

…LATER…

"No." Larxene slammed her door two seconds after it was opened to reveal Xemnas and baby in the doorway.

"Wait! Larxene! It needs to be breastfed--!" He shouted through the door, whining incessantly. "I'll pay you! Just… HELP ME."

The door was opened again. "How much?" She demanded.

"Well………." Xigbar thought SO much that he used seven more periods than was necessary. "How about I get you transferred back to the World that Never Was?" Ever since Xigbar destroyed her bathroom three days ago, she had been requesting to go back to their homeworld.

"Done." Snatching the child rather nastily, she slammed the door, leaving Xigbar to wonder if this was counted as child molestation. Moments passed, and the door reopened. Larxene threw the baby back out, and it hit Xigbar in the head. He fell unconscious as lil baby Nevxes began to crawl down the hall.

Ignoring the fact that Larxene shouldn't be able to breastfeed and a 12-hour-old baby shouldn't know how to crawl, she continued on. Past several rooms, until she came across an open door. It led to Vexen's lab. Entering this, she came across Vexen, rather engrossed in his latest work. "JOOBIE JOOBIE." Nevxes cried, pulling on Vexen's cloak. Vexen, having not been informed of the child's arrival, was fairly startled. Lifting her up, he looked her over. She wore a teeny tiny little Organization cloak, and her hair was long silver say for two black streaks and pulled into a ponytail. On her forehead was stamped the word NEVXES.

"I wonder what your name is…" He pondered, looking at the tattoo. "I KNOW!" He cried triumphantly, "I SHALL NAME YOU… PINKYPOO!" Unfortunetly it was at that moment that Xemnas kicked the door down.

"WHERE IS IT!" He demanded, thoroughly pissed. Vexen let out an audible 'eep!' and handed the child over to his superior. His bad mood not lessened in the slightest, as he turned and stormed away. "Xigbar!" Kicking number two awake, number one continued down the hall.

"Yesshir?" Xigbar asked rather drunkenly.

"Throw this child into the darkness."

"But… but I named it! I named it Nevxes!" Xigbar whined, flailing his arms.

"I was there." Xemnas pointed out, shoving the bebbe into Xigbar's arms. "Now you can just call it 'dead'"

Despite Xigbar's whinings, Xemnas would not change his mind. So they tossed the child into a random conviently placed pool of darkness. And just when they thought they wouldn't have to change no diapers, the darkness spit the bebbe back out! Only it wasn't a baby anymores. It was a teenage girl, because that's plot convenient.

"Wtf? This story makes no sense." Xemnas said to no one in particular. "Even if two men could have a child, and it was capable of crawling, that doesn't explain why it just aged fifteen years."

"Yeah, but the author wants to introduce Nevxes in the simplest way possible. And make her a teenager." Xigbar shrugged. "This fic is written by Fragile X. Do you except it to make any sense?"

"Waaait…" Xemnas stopped and looked up at Xigbar. "If this is a fanfic, why hasn't Axel appeared? I mean, he is everyone's favorite anyways. You can't read Organization fanfiction without him in it…"

"True, true…"

…Elsewhere…

"MOTHER EFFER." Axel screeched, pounding on the side of the revolving door. Unfortunately a stick had wedged itself in the door, stopping it from moving. And Axel was stuck inside. Hahah, sucks to be him. "I NEED TO GET TO THE FIC!"

…ElsewhererER!...

"You know what this Organization needs?" Luxord asked his Superior. Nevxes had been allowed to stay at the Castle because that's also plot convenient, and all was well again.

"Suicide booths?" Xemnas grumbled.

"Nu!" He threw his hands into the air ecstatically, "OPEN MIC NIGHT!"


End file.
